Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
