Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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