Got a toothbrush?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
