i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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