I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
