im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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