I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
