Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
