Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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