I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
