ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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