matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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