the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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