We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
