hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
