I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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