never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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