I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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