There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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