Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
