she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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