What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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