I must be too annoying 4 u.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
