If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
