My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
