I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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