Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
