I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
