I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
