a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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