Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
