Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
