I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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