Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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