i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
