I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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