How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so let's talk penis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
