Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
