i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
