Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
