He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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