stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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