are you still at the devil's house?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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