just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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