I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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