Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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