my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
