I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
