"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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