I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
