Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
