I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
