I can text with my tongue
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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