you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
