I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
