Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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