dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
