I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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