Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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