you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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