what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
