did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
