i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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