i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
