Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
