Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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