dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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