So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
