My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
