Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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