I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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