I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
