Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize