how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
