we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
