theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
