Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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